Friday, July 04, 2008

80. What the Shit!
Ok Im still nostalgic from my previous post, so very well thought why not continue on an another hilarious one. Mind you, if you are the one who screeches " oh my god! how disgustingly shitty it is talk about Shit", then this post is not for you. If you do want to have a laidback fun then read on. Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

1. Ghost Shit You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

2. Teflon Coated Shit Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it

3.Gooey Shit This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

4. Second Thought Shit You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more

5. Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit This kind is that doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. You strain so hard that your veins start popping out like Nagarjun's in the movie 'Ratchagan'.

6. Bali Belly Shit You shit so much you lose 5 kilos

7. Right Now Shit You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down:)

8. King Kong or Komodo Dragon Shit This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house. :)

9. Wet Cheeks Shit This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

10. Floater Shit Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit also usually happens at someone else's house:)

11. The Frightened Turtle The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in water.

12. The Bungee Shit The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water :)

13. The Ring of Fire Shit The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette

14. The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

15. The Avalanche Shit The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl

16. The Windy City Shit When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit

17. Oh Shit! Shit You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper/Water and you say OH SHIT :)

18. The Never Ending Shit It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating Fried Chicken or Chilly Parotta! :)

Ok Enough of Shit, see you all later!

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posted by Prasanna Parameswaran at 6:56 PM |


3 Comments:


At 7:47 PM, Blogger Preethe

Ohh Shit!!
you seem to know so much that you can get a Ph.D degree out of this shit analysis !!
ohh no ...
no no.. Oh shit!

 

At 2:52 PM, Blogger Zanychild

Shit
how did u know so much abt shit before everyone else?

 

At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

:)

I wish u get a chance to listen to the 'f**k' version given by Rajnish Osho in one of his speeches. Yours is equally hilarious.

Good going.